June 21, 2017
Oh geeezzzz…I literally just said it out loud. My boys are off for summer vacation. First day. And they are running around the neighborhood with their buddies, and I am a nervous wreck! This is the first summer where they are given more freedom to explore the neighborhood with friends. They each have some way to communicate with us, Drew his first phone which was given to him after he finished his first year of middle school on the honor roll. Nate we got a watch that communicates with us so we can track him and call him. I’m not used to this. I’m not used to letting the reins out a bit and not have a literal eye on them at all times.
I’m not overprotective, just not an idiot about the realities of life and the scary possibilities out there.
It’s like the story I read to Sammi all the time – Rapunzel, you are never to leave this tower, the world below is dangerous and scary.
I feel like the wicked mother – I don’t want to let them far away from the tower, where I know I can shield them. The further their bikes take them, the more anxiety I get. Is this what letting them be kids and grow up a bit means. I just hope I prepared them enough to make the right choices if they encounter..well..anything I guess.
As I just yelled out the door to Drew – run as fast as you can if anyone ever grabs you!
I’m losing my mind.
It’s all about the meatloaf.
June 20, 2017
That day when I went to Wegman’s at lunch, got a meatloaf, and cooked it at work in my toaster oven. Yep. I did that. Because why? Because I saved a whole hour of time at night when I will be running to the baseball field chasing a three year old trying to make sure some of my kids actually are fed. Just ano
ther day in the life of this working mom.
I work beside several women, and the thing I find the hardest is that I am the only one on my team with young kids. So when I leave to run to the fields for baseball, or rush home to get food on the table – I feel guilty. I actually feel guilty for being a mom. And I hate that.
Guilt equals meatloaf. Because I can’t be home with them, I channel my energies into making sure they are fed. And i mean full meals on their plates every night that it’s possible. Meatloaf, salmon, shrimp, chicken, ribs…you
name it and I’m serving it up. Some nights there are two dinners because I am so picky with what I eat to make sure it’s not carb infused but want them to be more balanced. Again, my own craziness that has caused me to make meatloaf at work.
I’m hard on myself. Never feeling like the job I do – whether at my desk every day, or the time I am present at home – is never good enough. I think the question I hear most from people is, how do you do it? Well…for me, I chose to have three kids, and in that I needed to work to provide for them. I don’t have a choice but to keep going…keep cooking, keep running after them, and simply keep up with them. And tonight my keeping up simply means meatloaf.